Awareness of unworthiness
an excerpt from Live Beautifully: A Book to Sit With, by Doris Wedige
Reflections on a shift...
Something is shifting inside of me. I seem to be doing things from a different place. It’s not that what I’m doing has changed, but the power of origin is changing. I seem to be living from a place of Powerful Love, instead of a place of victimization.
I started to be aware of how I see myself as a victim in certain situations. Like the petals of an opening flower the many aspects of my life where I have played the part of the victim are slowly revealing themselves to me. My relationship in my birth family, victim; my relationship with my own family, victim; my relationship with the world as a woman, victim; my relationship with our health care system, victim.
It’s a beautiful thing to see yourself for how you are. In the seeing it with eyes that are nonjudgmental, a shift occurs. It’s like once you see it without naming it good or bad, right or wrong; there is no going back. The change has begun.
I see myself clearly. I accept myself. Now I will choose over and over to return to my birthplace of Love and Power. I no longer wish to dwell in the hell that I have created that is a place of fear and victimization. And when I do repeat my patterns of being a victim, when I replay the old stories in my head of the times that I believe I have been wronged, I will stop and see with Compassionate eyes. And then, once again, let it fall away.
I intend to be aware of fears of being victimized.